A great deal has been written about the “Liberate [whereveritis]” protests that have been staged in a number of state capitals recently, but there are two words missing from everything I have seen with respect to this phenomenon: “Darwin Award”. More specifically, I’d like to suggest to those participants in these gatherings who cluster together without regard for social distancing recommendations and without wearing protective facemasks of any kind that, while this behavior might certainly wind up earning them nominations for this year’s Darwin Award, this in itself might not be enough to advance them beyond nominations.
Remembering that the point of the Darwin Award is to recognize the sacrifices of those who have chosen to improve the human gene pool by removing their own stupid genes from it, one should keep in mind that a nominee could actually harm his or her chance of advancing if he or she thoughtlessly damages the gene pool by removing from it the genes of other people (such as medical personnel or first responders) who are more intelligent than him/her. With that in mind I would suggest that any of the protest participants who are serious about advancing past the nomination stage should, if they become symptomatic, avoid calling 911 or visiting emergency rooms, and instead follow the advice of their Dear Leader, and chug a couple of bottles of Lysol.
I am not one of the judges for the awards, but I would think that this degree of dedication would almost guarantee finalist status for anyone willing to make the sacrifice. Given our species’ marvelous creativity in identifying spectacularly stupid ways to kill ourselves, I don’t think it’s possible to guarantee anyone’s success. Nevertheless, anyone who chooses to advance the species in this way will have earned my thanks, especially if he or she does so before this year’s election.